10 Things I Hate About You

I’m so glad I wasn’t sober all the way through this movie.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m pretty sure I would have enjoyed it anyway. It was a good movie, with a decent plot, and actors that I recognized (but weird, younger versions of themselves. very off putting in a way). But it is SO VERY 90s, and I’m pretty sure if I’d been watching it with a more critical eye I would have judge it for that.

This film was a played straight high school love story. Several of them even. Now, I’m sure that actually happens. Totally. But it didn’t happen TO ME, so I console myself by tell myself that it is a rare and magical thing. Like unicorns. So sue me.

But, 10 Thing I Hate About You (obviously the title of the poem at the end, by the way) was a lot of fun, to the point where I actively chose to pause it when I was getting distracted by social media so that I didn’t miss the nice guy getting his due (ugh) and the tsun melting (aww). This was a good feel good movie. It appealed to my romantic aspect immensely. Simple fare, but good for it.

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Good:

  • This feminist rant predates tumblr, right?
  • Can you ever just be whelmed?
  • Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?
  • I heard he ate a live duck once
  • Don’t ever let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want
  • You know, you’re not as vile as I thought you were
  • Paddle boasting
  • Happy endings

Bad:

  • Budweiser
  • Nice Guy-dom actually working. Fuck you, movie.
  • I’m actually a little sour about the Nice Guy getting the Cute Girl at the end. I mean. It was nice, but I feel like if the this movie were to be made now they’d find an different but equally cute way to end that particular plot thread.

Snowpiercer

Snowpiercer was really fucking cool (if you’ll excuse the pun).

Simple but compelling world set up. Interesting and diverse cast. Excellent and varied action. Beautiful CGI work. I am actually struggling to find more things to write. I have nothing bad to say about this movie, and most of the good things are best experienced rather than talked about. Go watch Snowpiercer.

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Good:

  • Rattling Arc is an excellent name.
  • Oh, I’m bleeding. What does it taste like?
  • Frostbite
  • ‘This is size ten chaos.’
  • I don’t think that fish is really the best way for you to get your point across right now
  • Well, I guess that’s why the movie is called Snowpiercer.
  • ‘We go forward.’
  • Immortal henchman
  • Willy Wonka moment
  • ‘Nice.’

Bad:

  • Worldbuilding by audio newsreel, immediately reiterated by on screen text

Alien

Alien is a slow-burn suspense horror movie, which is usually not my cup of tea. Turns out though, watching this sort of thing with friends and shit talking all the way through it goes a long way to blunting any discomfort I might have otherwise had felt. Who knew?

I do have to recognize that it was well executed though. I’m pretty sure I would have liked Alien even if I had been watching it alone and in the dark – though possibly for different reasons. I know I probably missed one or two reveals and ‘aha’ moments over the course of the movie, at least, and that is the sort of thing that usually redeems suspenseful movies for me.

I quite liked that almost every mistake the crew makes that started and perpetuated their little alien problem are perfectly explainable with ‘its a space truck, these aren’t exactly the best and brightest’. Taken in that context, everything done and said more or less fit together nicely.

Jones

Good:

  • Obligated by law to investigate potential distress beacon
  • I assume that cat was also in stasis
  • Our ship stubbed its toe and now everything is on fire
  • Doctor that doesn’t give a fuck about the risk to the patient once someone else says they’ll take responsibility
  • Eat my drive cone, bitch.
  • Mr Jones lived

Bad:

  • Not immediately leaving as soon as it became clear the ship wasn’t human
  • Not leaving the damn eggs alone
  • Fake out jump scare
  • Actual jump scare
  • WHY IS IT RAINING ON THIS SPACE SHIP
  • Space truck with a self destruct mechanism

Trainspotting

This was not a movie about trains and the watching thereof. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or relieved.

This is another one in the ‘drugs are fucked up and bad things happen’ genre of movies that I have very mixed feelings about. I mean, I don’t relate to them, at all. No context. But on the other hand, they are always interesting (in either a good way or a bad way). Trainspotting was good because it didn’t spend too long on the surreal (which I tend to tire of quickly), and what trips they did include were more a change of pace rather than just an excuse to put some fucked up bullshit on the screen.

Train-Engine

Good:

  • Suppositories
  • Unintentional statutory rape, followed by blackmail
  • ‘Being Scottish is shite’
  • ‘One thousand years from now there will be no guys or girls- just wankers.’
  • The kitten was fine

Bad:

  • Demon hallucination baby
  • I probably missed about 10% of the dialogue because of how Scottish it was